And to be quite frank

paranoiattack @ 2009-07-11T15:13:00

2009-07-11T22:20:20Z

Last weekend I was back in Mesa to dogsit Andrae. I spent my days watching nothing but Turner Classic Movies, eating and sleeping. I miss my puppy.
I've been a little more productive this week though. Monday I met up with Kelynn (chaos_sequence) after having not seen her since February. I've also seen Simone twice.
I've been here for almost a month now though. Still no luck in finding a job. I have an interview at Ross at Arizona Mills on Monday. I gone through so many interviews, but still nothing. I wonder what it is about me that puts people off to were they don't want to hire me? This will be my last interview for now until August.

From July 24th to August 1st, I'll be on the East coast. Starting in New York and ending in...I don't know where. We're hitting up Pennsylvania and Washington D.C. for sure though. I requested that while we're in Pennsylvania, we go to Centralia. I'm just worried about the rest of the family though. I don't want them falling into a pit of fire. Especially Dad. Maybe there's a place or town they can go to near by and chill while Allison and I go exploring and photographing there.

paranoiattack @ 2009-06-29T11:57:00

2009-06-29T19:16:51Z

It's been exactly two weeks now since I've been here.
I haven't really done much besides apply for jobs, cook, clean, sleep and play video games. The need for a job is starting to become a little more urgent now though. I'm now down to around $400 in my bank account. If I can't find one before my account runs dry, and Jake DOES have to go back to buying groceries, I won't mind just living off of Ramen and grilled cheese or what ever else that's cheap. I have an interview at American Apparel's Scottsdale store tomorrow though, so that's good. It's the first time I've ever applied for anything just based on resume alone. (I even included a cover letter/letter of interest?) I hope I get it.
Since I've been here though, just this week end was the first time Jake and I have really been able to go "out" since around the end of May. It was nice to do something like that again. Last night we went night swimming.

I also got a new phone. It's an iPhone. Just a 3G though. None of that 3G[S] what evers. I dig it. The best part? Being able to shuffle my music by shaking my ass while it's in my back pocket. Hahaha.

Even though I'll be gone for three nights, I'm excited to see my little boy again on Thursday. I'm getting paid to dogsit my own dog. HA.

paranoiattack @ 2009-06-13T09:09:00

2009-06-13T16:10:03Z

Happy eighteenth birthday to me.

(EDIT → 6/14/2009, 9:01AM)
Being a big eighteen year old I decided yesterday to get a piercing all by myself. I texted Jake and asked him to meet me there, with no intentions of him buying it for me, but he did. ♥

So now I have the two most scene-y piercings without actually being scene. Go me! The bar is incredibly long so that there's room for swelling. It just looks like I have a cat whisker on my face. I'll be able to get it changed out though on the fourth of July.

paranoiattack @ 2009-05-28T14:28:00

2009-05-28T21:37:02Z

I graduated last night.

Tomorrow is my surgery. I'll be out for two weeks. I feel a bit bad though because everyone seems to be having their grad parties this coming weekend, which I will not be able to attend.

SO, these next two weeks will consist of nothing but sleep, playing video games, and eating soft foods. Hello summer.

What am I supposed to do now though? I don't have a job? I don't know how I'm supposed to keep myself occupied unless I do find one. I'll be bored as hell until July (or) October 2010.

paranoiattack @ 2009-05-10T12:06:00

2009-05-10T19:13:11Z

Prom was prom. The music was terrible. There wasn't an after party, and when alcohol was accessible, I had no desire to partake in it, what so ever. I crashed at 2:00AM in a hotel room that Simone's parents rented out for us with Simone, Jordin and Mattie. The night left me completely agitated. Mostly because of Jordin. I'm still irritated.

paranoiattack @ 2009-05-06T14:49:00

2009-05-06T21:59:09Z

I've entered my last month of high school. From now, 21 days to be exact.

I'm hoping that everything scheduled between now and graduation will distract me enough to where I don't keep looking at the clock.

9th - Prom
15th - GITA EP release show @ Chyro Arts
16th - ISIS @ The Clubhouse
18th - Senior "Ditch Day"
19th - Senior Lunch/Katie's Birthday somethingwhatever
20th - Senior Tye-Dye
21st - Mountain View graduation
26th - Graduation dinner

Tomorrow, Sarah and I have to go to the Tempe court at 8:00AM to try and fight the ticket we got After Jimmy Eat World in March. I'm just hoping that I wont need parental consent in order to speak since I'm still a minor. It would kind of fuck everything up. Since they did HAVE me write a statement though at the time, hopefully that means they wont dismiss me entirely.

I've been searching for jobs like a job searching madman for the past month. I've managed to get interviews at least. I had one last Thursday at Kabuki, and I have a second one today at 5:30PM. I've called Justice and Journey's as well. One of Jake's co-workers, Erika, works for Cookie Lee and asked if I'd like to work for her as well since I'm into fashion and fashion merchandising. I contacted her about that as well, so I'm hoping to hear a response soon.

paranoiattack @ 2009-04-24T09:58:00

2009-04-24T17:08:29Z

1. Happy 21 to Allison (akuma_no_mi) <3
2. I'm not going to The Faint and Ladytron due to not having a ride
3. My tonsils have swollen up again!

paranoiattack @ 2009-04-04T09:30:00

2009-04-04T16:48:28Z

The fashion show at the Phoenix Art Museum last night went pretty well. Despite one of my models having a little wardrobe malfunction (Because of this though, I got a standing ovation with whistles and loud cheering and clapping.)
It wasn't any different from last year though. All the things that could have gone wrong still went wrong even though we were planning much further in advance to AVOID these things.

But that wouldn't really be a fashion show, right?

Just have to get used to these things happening/being a bitch to everyone if I'm going to go into this profession. How would anything work out for me if I wasn't?

Last Saturday and Sunday I had my photo shoot. I took my own photos this year, so they're not as nice looking unlike the ones that Allison took of my collection last year.

Now that it's over, I can breathe a little easier. I think we're still having an in-school show on the 17th, but I still have yet to get any information on that other than the date.

I also have an official date on when I'm supposed to be having my tonsils taken out now; May 29th, two days after graduation. Though it sucks that it's so soon after, I choose this date because for one, it'll take two weeks to recover and then because it's surgery, they're going to make me take my septum and gauges out. My other option was to do it AFTER my birthday, but I planned on getting more piercings. So, I'd rather not get my new piercings, only to have to take them out because I'm going into surgery. Then there's the factor of me being well in general for my birthday. It is the big ONE-EIGHT after all.

paranoiattack @ 2009-03-23T17:09:00

2009-03-24T00:16:02Z

Spring break consisted of movie marathons, late nights/early mornings, Taco Bell excursions, baked goods, Silent Hill 2 nights, beer and weed.
The last quarter of highschool has started. My fashion show is next week and I have only a blouse to make and some accessories (three bandanas and a dog bandana) and then I'm done.

As of late, I've been really bad about lying about my age/school. I need to come clean. Especially to the guy(s) I've been dating. Or rather the one. I can't/will not fuck this up.

paranoiattack @ 2009-03-19T11:01:00

2009-03-19T18:05:35Z

paranoiattack @ 2009-03-12T19:22:00

2009-03-13T02:35:11Z

The worst has happened. I did indeed develop another abscess, in a matter of three days. It was just a matter of time really. I had been in excruciating pain for the past 24 hours due to the lack of pain medication.
I went to the doctors this morning with everything in hopes of being admitted to the hospital (like last time) so that they could drain and remove my tonsils.

I was surely fucking mistaken.

So instead of me going to the hospital like last time, being put under, having my abscess drained and everything being all hunky-fucking-dorey like last time. Dr. Gambino decided that it would be best for him to just drain it right then and there. In order to perform this task, it required useless "numbing" spray to get myself ready for the countless number of injections to the back of my throat (nine or ten to be exact, in various places.). All the while, the solution didn't do shit and for each injection, I felt more and more pain. They were trying to tell me and make me believe in my head that I was just nervous and that it would work in seconds, but before I could tell them that they were full of shit, Dr. Gambino took a knife to the back of my throat and started cutting and slicing away.
I was made to believe I was numbed, but was I? No, I felt everything. It felt like my throat was going to burst and explode in a bloody mess any second. It was the single most terrifying experience of my life. It especially didn't help when he was trying to explain to me (with knife in throat) that because of my scarring from my last surgery, making the incisions was difficult. So he grabs the back of my had and plunges the scalpel further and further until he finally said that he got something.

Of course I was crying. I couldn't do anything though? I wasn't going to grab his hand in the middle of this operation and tell him no because I was afraid something was going to go awry. Thinking back on it makes me sick to my stomach.

I have to go back tomorrow at 10:30AM. Let's hope that he doesn't have to do it again.

paranoiattack @ 2009-03-01T18:12:00

2009-03-02T01:22:13Z

In the month of February I have -
1. Ruptured my left ear drum
2. Ear infection in my right ear
3. Almost formed another abcess if not for immediate treatment

I should also care to mention that in less than a month, I have lost 5lbs. Granted, it's not that much, but my diet has basically consisted of Mojo Yogurt and IHOP for the past two weeks.

March, I hope you bring better times. It'll be full of fun and excitment for sure, but I just hope I can be well through all of them.

paranoiattack @ 2009-02-24T16:44:00

2009-02-24T23:47:26Z

paranoiattack @ 2009-02-22T11:36:00

2009-02-22T18:40:47Z

I don't know how I've been feeling about myself lately.

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-23T17:03:00

2009-01-24T00:13:04Z

The octopus necklace I had been coveting for so long was finally back in stock. I've also been working on making my octopus gauges smaller so that I wont have to go bigger. It's a tedious process, but possible.

My parents are terrible with money. They are also terrible at sticking to an initial decision. So far school has been: wait a year for FIDM, go to FIDM in October, maybe go to FIDM in October. I don't know if it's a selfish thing to do, but I'm really tempted to talk to my grandparents about financial help for my first year. I'm really not sure how I would go about doing it though. I just want to get through high school.

With that, I've found my motivation to work on my collection. Last night I completely finished and lined a skirt I had been working on and I'm about 45% done with the blouse to go with it.

Tonight is Alex's 19th birthday party at Shlomo's. Tomorrow I'm either going to the Lunar Festival at Mekong Plaza with Yarin or going to the Orange Grove Mansion with Trent; possibly both.

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-19T19:17:00

2009-01-20T02:20:36Z

Trent and I went exploring afterwards. He informed me of an abandoned auto testing center once called Talley Defense Systems. I think next we're going to hit up the Orange Grove Mansion.

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-18T23:29:00

2009-01-19T06:34:52Z

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-17T21:22:00

2009-01-18T04:29:00Z

Yesterday was a GITA show at the Red Mountain Christian Center. Not the best turn out, but it won in the aspect of most energy.
It's really good to see everyone again.

I went to HTC yesterday as well to get some new plugs, since Hot Topic only had 9/16" in double-flares.

They were expensive as hell ($45.00, they're glass.), but most worth it. They're supposed to look like the galaxy. It looks like Orion's Belt to me. Orion's Belt as in Men in Black. I'm having some difficulty getting them in though, even though they're singled flared, and now that I'm at the size I'm at now, if I fuck up my ear it WON'T heal, so I'm just going to go back Monday when I sell some stuff at Buffalo Exchange and have them do it for me.

Maybe.

Tomorrow is Tim and Eric with my dad and then Monday Simone and I are having a tea party. Garden dress attire.

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-11T13:10:00

2009-01-11T20:06:48Z

I got my grades for first semester -

French III-IV → B
Drawing I → A
Trig/Pre-Cal → C
Fashion III → B
Mythology & Short Story Telling → C
Digital Graphic Design → A

3.25 GPA; not bad, but not what I was shooting for. I was hoping Mrs. Pena would stop with the bias against me and give me the A I deserve. I also thought I did a lot better on my Mythology final. At least a B? What ever.

It is officially OFFICIAL also, I'm moving to San Francisco in the fall for FIDM. Before it was just kind of up in the air because nothing was certain, but I was talking to my dad yesterday and he said it was happening.
I'm also happy because he's pushing my graduation trip to New York a little later (the end of July, sorry Johnnnnn) so that way I can say good bye to everyone who are leaving right away.
Main things to get done now are to fill out my FAFSA (which can be done the 15th) and do my initial application for FIDM (also the 15th.)

So I only have until about October 4th to be in Arizona. Get your fill.

paranoiattack @ 2009-01-02T17:46:00

2009-01-03T01:05:45Z

G O A L S
→ 125
→ Successfully attend FIDM fall semester
→ Never drink alcohol again
→ Graduate within the top 10% of my class
→ Continue not eating whole bread products (besides pita, some pasta and what ever is on sandwiches)
→ Continue eating more healthy in general
→ Find a new job that is more organized and pays better
→ SCHOLARSHIPS!
→ Keep in contact with all of my Arizona friends after graduation.

I completed 2.5 out of 10 of my goals from last year. That was to accept defeat, not to drink soda (I've even moved on to water!) and to get my permit. I need to try harder.
These seem like pretty legit resolutions though. Ones that I feel I can actually accomplish.

My 2009 started out, to be honest, pretty shitty/embarrassing. Not two hours into 2009, I threw up about three times and passed out and to wake up only to find myself in a POOL OF URINE. Embarrassing, right? Well goddamn, that's not even half of it.
I threw this New Years party thinking everything was going to be fun and amazing. I mean, it was, until the last three or so hours. Chris (bear), Chris, Emily, Katie, Simone all spent the night. Mattie, Andrew, Oliver, Jordin, and Matt came by a little later and left. I was a complete drunken mess only thirty minutes into the party because I miss-calculated how much Smirnoff I put in my cup (which was 70% alcohol, FOR THE RECORD.) No one else got as fucked up as me. I was falling over, slurring my speech, making out with Emily (which came as a surprise to me in the morning because I have a HUGE memory gap.) and just being a general asshole. My room smells like vomit because I threw up on my floor and there's this giant red stain. I had to wash my sheets as well. I had a hang over ALL DAY yesterday and threw up in the shower.

It's because of this, that I decided I'm not drinking again. Ever. Maybe I'll be a little more lenient when I turn 21, but until then. Nothing. Nothing good has ever come out of me drinking. I'll go to parties, I'll gladly be DD. Alcohol makes me sick now and even any mention of it makes me want to throw up. It was just a terrible way to end the night. I was looking back on the videos that Simone took of me and it kind of made me mad. I'm such an embarrassment.

I feel better now. I'm putting my bed back together, I cleaned my floor and now I just have to do laundry.

More than anything though, I really need to sew. I'm falling behind so much.

paranoiattack @ 2008-12-30T22:54:00

2008-12-31T06:08:52Z

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

paranoiattack @ 2008-12-26T12:01:00

2008-12-26T19:06:06Z

I'm pretty satisfied with this Christmas.

New laptop as well as those sweet octopus gauges that my family hates because they think they're gross. I also recieved a hardcover edition of Watchmen, a book on how to start a fashion business, an external hard-drive, giftcards, a Louise Brooks shirt that Allison made me as well as some sweet 20's art decor and then shit tons of weaboo candy. Good Christmas.

I've also gotten Skype - telepharmavangelism
I'd love to see some of your beautiful faces.

paranoiattack @ 2008-12-13T09:39:00

2008-12-13T16:48:39Z

GOAL TWO: COMPLETED

Ashley came home yesterday. Sarah and I left after French, got Dan, and then went to go wait for Ashley at the airport. We went to Green for lunch, Ashley's to drop all of her stuff off and relax, Dan's to watch The Dark Knight with Adia and Calvin and then later that night we went to go see Muzz "perform" at Chyro Arts.
Needless to say, some people need to learn not to bring other people down when they're in a shitty mood.

paranoiattack @ 2008-12-05T20:48:00

2008-12-06T03:49:52Z

GOAL ONE: COMPLETED

paranoiattack @ 2008-07-05T00:23:00

2008-07-05T07:49:54Z

Adia, Calvin, Dan, Ashley, Max, Hannah, Meredith, Greg, Sirrena - I miss them all terribly.

I needed this so much. To just get away from everything with friends; with people I love and care about and just do what I please.
Sea salt, sand, late night Denny's, drinking with Ara and Doug in Irvine, singing on the beach, laying in bed naked comfortably - I'm not going to experience anything quite like it again.